omphaloskepsist's blog

this is sad...

even tho i'm a horrible blogger, i have enjoyed all of the interaction i've had w/everyone on vox. i'm attempting to import my blog to wordpress, where it'll be at omphaloskepsist.wordpress.com, and may also do it to typepad. i have no idea what i'm doing. good luck everyone!

what i learned tonight

it's been a while...

but, things i learned tonight that i didn't know before:

1) Che is both taller (6'2.5") and

2) heavier (significantly more than 200lbs) than i thought. goes to show you that i have horrible non-skills in estimation.

3) i am apparently in a monogamous relationship w/Che.

#3 is something that needs further exploration. especially since i'm going to a wedding out-of-state this weekend. ha, like i am really going to get any ass.

things that have happened since last april:

a) whatever i had w/JG fizzled in April. he wasn't ready for any sort of dating relationship. that's fine! his loss!

b) Che came to visit at the end of July/beginning of August and thankfully it wasn't a replay of horrible vegas trip, 2009. there were no fights/explosions! except that he got pissed that i kept whupping his ass at Scrabble.

c) D&G moved to [northern city] in June and now works w/me. her boyfriend's father died, her boyfriend came to visit, her great-grandfather died, she broke up w/her boyfriend, and now they're back together. drama.

d) LL is dating a friend of MS.

e) i don't go to yoga enough. but i do the jillian michaels 30 day shred off and on. it's tough. i can't do it more than 2 days in a row.

there are many things i have felt the urge to blog about, but never seem to be able to find the time. i think i work too much.

rundown

here's the rundown:

i'm lying in bed, dreading the 3hrs of work i have to do that i forgot about until about 10pm tonight (i was at a happy hour/mixer w/LL and MS). ugh. but the upside to some recent office drama is that i now know that i'm thought of as a "power player" at work and my time and expertise are highly respected.

yay.

on the man-front:

i just got Che to admit that he had a "moment" where he was like, am i working towards what i want and where i want to be in 10yrs? and that's why he called me. yes, it's flattering. also, i'm pretty.

things *were* going really well w/JG. i don't know where he gets it, but he is amazingly good at being adorable. the seder went very well, and so did the funny business. we were emailing and texting all last week and it made me squeal like a little school girl, multiple times, at work. seriously, i don't think i've ever been wooed the way he works EVER EVER EVER.

then last weekend while i was at that wedding (IG (who shared a room w/me), BL, GL, JMS (w/o wife b/c she was sick), FM and his current girlfriend and some other people from [northern city] were in attendance) i decided that, after getting drunk at the hotel after the ceremony and then waiting for the reception dinner to start (we started drinking at the restaurant in the 1.5hrs that we had to wait for dinner to actually start) that i needed to know if JG and i were dating. b/c just in case some really hot guy from the wedding wanted to fool around, i would need to know what was and what wasn't off limits (obviously i did not tell JG this). so i called him and asked him two burning questions. the first was whether if he grew out his hair (on his head) he would have a jew-fro (he's afraid it might be). the second was, "so are we dating?" and his response was..."good question..."

so he didn't think that it was technically possible to date (wtf) and he's never dated out of town. i, on the other hand, have significant long-distance dating experience and i reminded him of that. so we talked about it a little and he said that i was definitely someone that he wanted to date. and i mentioned that it's unfair that females are disproportionately more likely to bring up this kind of stuff in heterosexual interactions. he agreed. then he said that it was something we should talk about more.

on sunday i called him and left him a VM apologizing for ambushing him w/the question, and he called me back and we had a nice little conversation until he got to the hockey rink (he is a coach for a disabled hockey team), and he asked if he could call me afterwards. i said sure. he never called.

we've been emailing (we send each other daily photos) still, but i've reined it in some b/c i'm confused and don't want to get hurt (even more?). i can't tell if he's still interested. perhaps he's just not that into me? but then why continue to tell me that i'm his favorite asian? why continue to send me photos?

not quite sure. before my dunderhead move on saturday i was hoping we were going to move to the next step (regular phone conversations) and i was considering telling people i was pretty much off the market (another reason for my burning question). now i'm not sure where things are going.

and yes, my desire to talk to/be w/Che waxes and wanes, depending on my JG-mood.

i'm horrible. and rundown.  

an auspicious beginning to my 28th year

i was lucky enough to spend much of my birthday week in [grad school city], where my company also has an office. i stayed w/friends and for once, got to breathe a little and relax a little (or as much as one can when living out of a duffel bag and sleeping in other people's guest rooms) and have a little fun. i also got a good amount of face-time w/my interim boss (my boss, who i took a business trip out earlier this month to see, is in [summer city] and is currently on maternity leave), and saw my old bosses at the school district where i was a law clerk. i had birthday festivities on sat and PG was also in from [fabulous state] so it was great to see him too. he got a little grabby on fri night when i said goodbye, but perhaps he was just getting it in, since he missed his window 3yrs ago (i asked him point-blank if he had ever been interested in me and he said yes. HA!).

but the most dramatic development is the fact that i got some birthday funny business (a day late). turns out one of my friends from law school, JG (Jewish Guy), has found me quite attractive for some time and has just never really done anything overt about it except flirt excessively w/me. i thought he was just like that to everyone, but apparently not. the friend i was staying w/during the week passed along the info that he thought i was hot and so we went to dinner on thu night and ended up at his place. and it was enjoyable. and also strange b/c i've known him for YEARS and have never thought of him in that way, for more than a few seconds.

he missed bday fun b/c he was actually here in [northern city] seeing family this weekend, b/c he had to be in court on tues and so couldn't spend passover w/the fam. we had breakfast sat morning before he left, during which i posed to him the incredibly important question: "do you kiss girls who eat bacon?" and the answer as i subsequently found out was yes (i didn't order bacon anyway, which is a big deal for me). but, lucky for me, he's coming up this weekend for business and asked if he could stay w/me. of course this is incredibly convenient for funny-business-purposes, and also b/c he can lead the slacker Passover Seder a co-worker and i decided to hold on sat (he'll be the only jewish person at it).

i think he likes me. well i hope he does, as more than a friend, and that this isn't a booty call. i don't want to be fuckbuddies or friends w/benefits. but i also don't know if i want to date him--i don't want this to turn into TR, redux, but hey look i jumped into bed really soon w/him too!!!

he's a really nice and sweet guy and he has a really nice body. and he thinks i'm hot. and funny. we've been emailing back and forth and it's cute, and i was his first phone call (he meant me to be his first text but screwed up b/c he couldn't figure out how to text) on his palm pre. and well i guess that's it so far. i'm feeling Che-related-guilt, obviously, b/c we're still talking. ugh.

in other news, D&G and her boyfriend/(best friend) broke up. this has caused major drama, especially b/c the female half of some mutual friends is basically being a fair weather friend. it's hard being there for D&G, especially now that i'm back in [northern city]. her situation also reminds me of my first bad breakup, w/FM, when it made it close to impossible to do anything but cry. in addition, D&G is having major roommate issues, is stressed out at work (she's a fellow at my company) and is falling behind on her schoolwork. and her grandfather died 2wks ago. so basically life sucks. and i wish i could do more but i can't.

and i'm feeling D&G-related guilt for being so excited about JG when her life sucks so much right now. sigh.

other things that happened this weekend

i was out w/friends celebrating st. patty's day at various house parties this weekend, and my friend/coworker LL (Littlest Lion) got a call from a friend (in Germany) who let her know that her most recent ex-boyfriend (she broke up w/him in november) is now married. SFC, MS (Miz Sassy) and i think it's b/c said German friend wants to get into LL's pants, but in any case, the news would be a shocker.

the back story: LL finished her masters in another state in dec 08, and moved home w/her parents while she looked for a job. she moved to [northern city] in may 09 for the job, and the ex, who she had been living w/during grad school, came along w/ in july 09. he decided to go back to yet-another-state in oct 09 (the state where they met, and started dating, before she + he moved to another state for her grad school), to help a friend get a startup off of the ground (he does web design/marketing). he was planning to be gone for 2-3mos, but about a week into november, LL decided that she needed to be single and broke up w/him. now, her ex is 10yrs older than her (and is a really nice guy), and had been talking about marriage and such and that seriously started freaking her out. she's 26 and has been a serial monogamist...before this, she hadn't been single for any particularly long length of time since she was 19. so, she finally got around to buying his big flat-screen tv from him and mailing him the rest of his stuff maybe 2mos ago. so, besides him being blindsided, they are on okay terms, weren't really talking much.

but come on. it's been what. 4mos? apparently this will be the ex's third marriage. LL thinks he gets married when he feels insecure. perhaps this is the case, and it's not like she wanted to get back w/him, but she still regards it as a slap in the face. i guess it's cold comfort that the guy, who you broke up w/ b/c he was getting too serious, had to marry someone else to remedy the situation. it really kills the st. patty's day buzz.

but she snapped into action and decided that she really just needed to make out w/someone, so i helped acquire her a dude for the day. and then she wandered off w/him to another house party and i had to pick her drunk ass up at about 7pm, and feed her fried chicken.

it's what's friends do i guess.

also, my mom, who is visiting OS for about a week, is apparently meeting the asshole that OS is still dating. OS has met the asshole's parents, and said asshole has called her his girlfriend in the past. but when she asked him to explain what girlfriend means, he says: "a girl i care about and want to spend time w/". stupid fucking idiot. i don't approve of what OS is doing but she's an adult and she's going to have to deal w/whatever happens when she moves in june.

it was a pretty awesome weekend filled w/great weather, beer and giant jenga, but now i'm filled w/bitterness and annoyance over relationships. argh.

progress? evolution? the next iteration?

for some reason, Che has decided that it is time that we start talking again.

so we have been, for the last week or so. apparently all of the feelings he expressed last september, when he left me those voicemails [recap: i love you and want to spend the rest of my life w/you, in some random sparsely-populated state] are mostly accurate. at least that's what he said a week ago. apparently he doesn't remember leaving those voicemails b/c he spent portions of that month in a drunken haze. wtf?

we hadn't discussed his feelings for me/his motivations since, so last night, i initiated what i would like to think is a rather reasonable and logical discussion of what i am thinking (ha, of course, not what *he* is thinking) last night and he's promised to get back to me. there were no tears or screaming on my end, and i don't know what is coming next. i asked him what's changed in his life that gave him the need to talk to me, and he didn't have an answer for that either.

things feel strange right now b/c it's just so comfortable talking to him again but he needs to know--and now he does--that i'm venturing very cautiously into this again.

i'm betting on it being better to be disappointed early on than to expect something that will never happen and suffer for it, later.

i did meet some cute boys this weekend: a professional poker player, and some friends of friends. i don't think any of them are prospects, but it's always nice to have some male attention and get one's drinks bought.

pathetic much?

crying about my unborn children w/Che, while in child's pose during yoga this morning.

hm.

in other news, i may've been blown off by a chinese surgeon that i thought was totally into me. or maybe he has been felled by some crazy snowstorm.

happy valentine's day, the holiday i despise more than any other!

on attractiveness and worth

so over thanksgiving break i was at home in [parents' city] and we made a family outing, per usual, to chinatown. we (the parents + i, since YS was visiting friends and her boyfriend and OS was working) visited the new asian supermarket and i was struck by the feeling that there are a lot of ugly people in the world, and whoa, they are married and having kids.

yes, very shallow of me but i couldn't help but think, if they can get their acts together and find another living being w/whom to procreate, i can do this too. and then i felt guilty for being so judgmental. this is why i am currently single to mingle i suppose. i know that physical attractiveness is only one aspect of the total package, but i can't help but think that it's the most important for first impressions.

and most guys i meet come up wanting.

except, surprisingly, this one lobbyist who works for our client (was at a work-related event this evening as one of his guests). he's entirely too short to be "my type" but for some reason i had the urge to launch myself at him and make out.

whoa there.

things that have happened

-Che didn't call.
-i went to visit OS and we had sisterly bonding time.
-i met a guy who expressed extreme interest in me but that i was not interested in but i think he's gotten the picture by now b/c he is no longer persistently texting me.
-i lost my camera (this makes three. ugh).
-i have decided that i want to be a burlesque dancer when i grow up. my stage name: "violet come-lately."
-i went to two concerts w/SFC.

same old same old. still feel tired, still have 4 loads of laundry to do. still leading a boring existence.

STILL LAME.

the post i was going to write

there is something about country music that just...gets to me. i understand that it's a genre of music that only appeals to a subset of the American population, but i like it. it's so--straightforward. which is a good and a bad thing, b/c so many of the songs are about growing up in small town USA, driving trucks, living life honestly and simply, things that aren't so bad. what sometimes upsets me is that i don't fit in that core demographic. my dad isn't a good ol' boy. i don't go to church on sundays. i was probably "made in the USA" but i'm the product of first-generation taiwanese immigrants (dad was a grad student, in engineering OF COURSE). i know how to shoot a shotgun but that's only b/c i had friends that taught me. sometimes i find the songs sort of insular, but in a way that is both conscious of that separation and proud of it.

oh well.

no one can keep me from wearing cowboy boots!!!